Snapped Shot

Gee, I can't imagine for the life of my why this particular reader, who hails from the peaceful enclave of Islamabad, Pakistan, would be too shy to sign his name to this masterpiece:

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User IP-address: 61.5.146.126
User Name: Anonymous
User Email:
User Homepage:

Comments:
f**k u all above..... a**holes... have u eva seen ur faces in mirror.All u jews n Chirtans f**k u

Islam Zindabad

I would be mad at this, but I'm stuck trying to figure out what a Chirtan is. So instead, I will do what I always do:

Laugh quietly into my bowl of Cheerios.

Snort.

The famous and most enlightened thinker, Na'al tula al... uh.. How's about I just call you "Nutmeg," pal?

So, imagine you're Nutmeg, and you live in the ancient Islamic republic of Osnabruck, Germany. And let's say our little pal Nutmeg has been out at a bar all day, boozing and harassing women praying. After striking out for the 10,000th time, let's just imagine that ol' Nutmeg managed to stumble his way to the nearest Internet café, which is where you know he is, considering all of his computer money goes to booze and all.

Yeah... with that little scenario fresh in mind, I'd imagine that you'll end up receiving something that sounds a teeeensy tiny little bit like... this:

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User IP-address: 62.96.75.170
User Name: Na´al tula aleg
User Email: dsvfv@f**kujews
User Homepage: www.ashole@jew [Ed.:—sic]

Comments:

evrey body from this blog will go jahanaba............F**K UUUUUUUUUUUUUU JJJJJJJJJJJEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW

I go jahanaba for UUUUUUUUUUUUU, Nutmeg. Seeing how you're a JJJJJEEEEWWWWWWWW and all.

Speaking of which, would you mind picking me up a carton of eggs on your way past the convenience store? Eggs would be awesome right about now.

I have it under good confidence, courtesy Daylife, that Salman Rushdie has been awarded the "Best of the Bookers" award for his book Midnight's Children.



I offer my warmest congratulations to Sir Rushdie, and eagerly await the oodles of fan mail that's certain to follow.

Salman Rushdie, your fan club is most impressive. Please teach me your secrets, oh great master!

Checking in from the tolerant Islamic republic of Pakistan, HuSnain nooR brings us one of the most wonderfully bizarre tales of love and joy I've seen to date. All spelling and capitalization preserved for our posterity's sake:

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User IP-address: 202.69.42.194
User Name: HuSnain nooR
User Email: sss
User Homepage: ss

Comments:
abay OO bhArway salman Rushdie U f*CKing A*s HoLE BIT*h We Kill YOu RemEMber ThiS sEntence Bhen ChooD MAdaRchOOd tu nay jo kuch kia hai bharway sahi nahi kia tu judgement Day ko bachay ka nahi bhen chod TERi gand peR sari BOllywood k Actresss ki zabaan lagawaon ga GAnD chatwaon ga terI bharway Ma chood rha hai chup karR dalle omer ka akhri hissa hai os main bhi girl friend bana rha hai Sharaab pee rha hai madar chood TEri girl friend say terA lunD chtwAon ga Kuttay ki Jaali nasal SHakal HAram KuTTYay ki si shakal Tu gya bilkul khtam ho gya hai tu MUthal aadmi Mud marTa hai saraa din

If I were you, Sir Rushdie, I'd watch out for your nasal KuTTYay. Having a TTY device connected to your nasal cavity can't be all that pleasant.

From the historic Islamic land of Sweden comes a most intelligent remark:

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User IP-address: 83.241.234.4
User Name: MAKE PEACE-DESTROY DENMARK!
User Email: partner56121401@aravensoft.com

MAKE PEACE-DESTROY DENMARK!
Let's stop whole Denmark !
Thank Al qAEDA! cartoonists are screwed-
stop danmark
Kåre Bluitgen
jyllandsposten
Claus Seidel
Pia Kjærsgaard
Peder Bundgaard
dfu larsen
Arne Sørensen
Bob Katzenelson
Anders Gravers
Lars Refn
Kurt Westergaard
Rasmus Sand Høyer
Jens Julius Hansen
Franz Füchsels
Poul Erik Poulsen
Erik Abild Sørensen
Anette Carlsen
F**K U DANES! DIE IN HELL!!!
Danmark er lort-
Denmark is s**t. stop danmark -

luderland=død
SUPPORT al - q AEDA!
FORVER AGAINST DENMARK AND DANES-
F**K YOU DANISH NAZI PIGS!
LET'S STOP DENMARK!

Incidentally, googling around for comment against denmark is probably one of the laziest ways I've seen to find a nice, juicy topic like this. 0 points for creativity, MAKE.

Now this is the level of narcissistic arrogance I have come to expect from the increasingly mindless world of the Politically Correct. Jimmy, you get an "F" for e"f"fort, indeed:

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User IP-address: 24.90.190.109
User Name: Jimmy
User Email: jc0311967@yahoo.com

Amazing white people hate the truth when it comes to this country. THE LAND WAS STOLEN FROM MEXICO. Only convenient history books call it anything other than stealing. Crybaby white people upset because California is becoming Mexico again. It's called JUSTICE. It was their land to begin with. White people are nothing but bastardized descendants of illegal immigrants. It's amazing how all of a sudden Mexicans are called illegal in a territory that once belonged to them. White people! If YOU guys don't like it, YOU GO BACK to where YOUR ancestors came from! I just purchased a CASE of Absolut! More power to you guys!

Moral equivalence? Check.

Blatant racism against white people? Yup.

Third-grader's understanding of "I'm Rubber, You're Glue?" Nicely done.

Jimmy, why not start by asking yourself: What Would Jefferson Davis Do?

From the vast wonderland that is the Internet, I get an unusually specific e-mail threat. Ain't technology grand?

Date: Tue, Jun 17, 2008 at 1:56 PM
From: paul t <falseidentity@earthlink.net>
To: me
Subject: Red Neck?

Your site is stupid, you act like a stupid American, and it would be my pleasure to end your site and your wife's life with a rocket propelled grenade. How ignorant, you think America is the world? America will see itself bombed and its soldiers families raped on the docks that they return upon. Sincerely, An Iranian Dual National who loves how ignorant your ideasb are. Go back to your trailer park or die in Jihad.

ps, learn how to use the internet.

I guess this means Paul doesn't appreciate our regularly recurring series.

Pity, that!

For those of you who know how to use the Internet more than ignorant wi'w me, I've posted the raw headers for this e-mail in the extended body of this article.

You know. For peaceful and non-DDOS'ing purposes, of course.

Update: It took me a while to get it, but Ace's witty take on the matter has me in stitches. I do hate being so dense, though!

I've contacted the Washington Field Office of the FBI (per Atlas' advice), since this would appear to be an interstate matter. I've also sent a request-for-information to the Earthlink abuse office, though I'm not holding my breath to hear back from them. Will post updates as they come in, of course! Continue reading »

Apparently, we've earned ourselves a shiny new fan.

After stumbling across (and spouting off on) a number of our articles on Obama, reader John Foster shares his deep and insightful thoughts on all things Snapped Shot:

Sieg Heil! Fascists!

Wow, I've never heard such a well-researched, long-thought argument against articles here before! With such delicious wit, such sardonic irony, such intrinsically holy arguments like that, I may just have to reconsider everything and turn myself into a mindless drone shining bastion of Political Correctness, just like John.

Then again, maybe I'll just keep going my merry way, fully satisfied in knowing that John Foster will be reading every single word we write from here on out.

Keep that insightful prose coming, John!

It's really unusual for us to get more than one piece of Happy Fun Fan Mail a month, but I'm not complaining. From an earlier article about Iranian "peacekeepers", Md. Amir Hosen checks in to share his deep insight with us:

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User IP-address: 202.56.7.136
User Name: Md. Amir Hosen
User Email: amirfaridpur@yahoo.com
User Homepage: www.azizpipes.com

Comments:
Assalamu Alaykum, I am a Banglideshi, Israil Is Busted Country, I hope that very soon Israil Lose her Map. Israil Country Busted, Israil Man Busted, I heat your country, Israil. Hasan. This World Only for muslim not others busted.

If Israil loses her Map, I'm sure Amir will be there to help her find it again.

After all, he did offer so kindly to heat it.

As an added bonus—as if the comment wasn't good enough by itself—the website that Amir posted as his homepage contains a bit of excellence all its own, in the form of building and construction spam:
Continue reading »

Lookee, lookee—It's another pile of sunshine, joy, and love from the Religion of Peace. "james hammel" has checked in on one of the Salman Rushdie stories, and shared a little note of encouragement:

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User IP-address: 62.171.194.5
User Name: james hammel
User Email: a@hotmail.com
User Homepage:

Comments:
im in al kihida and im gunna bomb all u white mans so fok u bitches and black ppl lng live the asians

Since the article was so old, his comment got held up for moderation. Such modern conveniences seem to have escaped our kind James, leading him to believe that his comment disappeared into the vast ether that rules the Islamic world. So, as any good Ummah would do, he left a followup message moments later, clarifying his thoughtful and peaceful remarks:

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User IP-address: 62.171.194.5
User Name: james hammel
User Email:
User Homepage:

Comments:
im in al kihida i bomb all u white ppl and especialy rea dougie and every1 who irish and tht so fok u white ppl i bomb u

Now that's peace.

Incidentally, by "al Kihida," our confused Mohammedan seems to mean "London." Two cheers for that vaunted English spirit, lad!

Update: I'm proud to say that Snapped Shot is now the #1 Google search result for Rea Dougie.

Money!

Of course, the people who threatened Mr. Belien's website still live in the 7th century... but heck, you already knew that:

Your news is very race.If you are continue this your website is must be close. We check your server, database,IP and find this pictures, news.You must be careful. Our father of Turk is Ataturk. We are democratic, laic and muslum. We are not Arabic people.We live for peace. We like "Isa" and "Meryem" They are God childs. We give you 7 days. If you are dont change any news or insult. Turkish attack will be started!

Heck, if it's that offensive, we might as well post it here on Snapped Shot as well. I always love finding new ways of getting fan mail.

TNOYF gets the best fan mail. I won't spoil it for you—you have to go over and read it for yourself—but he had me in stitches when he pointed out that:

Thanks for the heads up. You heard it here first everyone. Only 9,855 shopping days left until the Armageddon War Day.

I'd better hurry up and get to the store!

Oh, and to all of you Ethnic Northerners out there? You're always welcome to write to us, too. Heck, maybe I'll even throw something in to motivate you: