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Recipes for a Most Merry Earth Day

By Rooster · Tuesday, April 22. 2008 15:05
Earth day is for losers faggots Canadians.


So it's that time of year again. The birdies are chirping, the flowers are rushing to be in bloom, the pollen is screwing up the beautiful black paint job on my car, environmentalists are crying, the earth is getting pissed on by Calvin....

That's right, it's another Earth Day, boys and girls! The most farcical and ridiculous joke of a day in the entire year.

So, in celebration and honor of this most glorious day I have mapped out a few things we can all do to help out Mother Earth and her queer husband Al Gore:

  1. Go out and test drive a nice, fuel efficient vehicle with really low emissions.

  2. Buy your fuel from an ecologically sound source.

  3. While you're out and about, remember to eat at a more carbon-neutral restaurant.

  4. Maybe order the most compassionate treat from the menu.

  5. Read up on IMAO's Fun Facts About the Earth.

Feel like you've done too much damage already? Well fear not, because thanks to the miracle of modern science religion, you can always pay somebody else to make your heart feel all better.

What's that? Have I offended your wittle feelings?

Bwahahahahaahah! Why don't you go home and cry to mama, you Marys!
· permalink · Ye Olde Dominion · Comments (4) · Trackbacks (0)
 
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Here is what a handful of random people think about this article. But first, the fine print:
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chris on 2008-04-22 15:17 #1
*My earf is dying!!!!1!! jk nice article.
Reply  
Cletus on 2008-04-22 15:39 #2
*hey fuck you rooster I don't know any Canadians who give a shit about earth day and I live in fucking Canada
Reply  
Rooster on 2008-04-22 16:08 #3
*HAHAHA! Canada.
Reply  
captainfish on 2008-04-22 22:06 #4
*Meanwhile people in Africa are laughing at us for spending so much time and money planting trees and worrying about the amount of "carbon" we use\emit\pollute\excrete because they are still starving for just a bit of food and electricity. They don't care if the food comes because of fertilizer or if their stove is heated by wood or electricity. They just want to survive.

This whole thing is a farce. Our economy is failing due to high energy prices dictated by liberals and greens. Our energy needs are growing and growing but the socialists want to limit how much is produced and put into law how you can live your life.

I say, for earth day, celebrate earth. Cut a tree down and burn it to heat marshmallows that you used your Hummer to drive 50 miles to get. Crank up that A/C and cool your garage down to 60F. Dig up your yard and plant a rice bog. Hire some cows to eat those beans you dont want to eat.

That will make momma nature happy.
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